Emotions

Some mornings I wake up and the world is a happy and marvelous place. 

Other mornings, the world is too wound up.  Anxious.  Unhappy.  Angry.

The last few weeks have been kind of amazing.  I've been focusing on allowing myself to feel my emotions - experiencing and embracing them instead of ignoring them and pushing them away. 

I'm recognizing that not all the emotions I'm experiencing are my own.  A lot of emotions I feel are coming from the people around me.  Somehow I'm picking up on their feelings and turning them into my own.

And it's such a relief to know that most of the negative things I feel aren't my own.

I'm learning to handle (and in some cases, avoid) those borrowed emotions.

Yay! :)

Good News of September

I have rediscovered adding chocolate powder to my morning coffee. That hint of chocolate-y goodness brings a smile to my face whenever I take a sip. :)

For the past few days I've been thinking heavily about all the bad news I've heard this month. (It's quite strange: all the serious bad news occurred during this month). This morning, there was no usual ritual of trying to convince myself it's a good idea to get out of my warm bed. I woke up crying. I don't remember what I was dreaming about. Just the overwhelming emotion of sadness.

I went to look for my quote of the day, and this is the first thing that popped up:

"Drag your thoughts away from your troubles.. by the ears, by the heels, or any other way you can manage it." - Mark Twain

Tears of gratefulness actually started welling up in my eyes. It was exactly what I needed to hear. For whatever reason, an angel is looking out for me. So I'm going to focus on the good of this month. Because really, this month isn't all that bad. It just seems that way because I keep thinking of the negative.

Good news of September:

1) after long months of search and rejection, my friend found a job
2) another friend was able to vacation in London
3) my cousin is pregnant
4) got to see family from New Zealand - apparently it's been 30+ years since our family's seen them
5) my second cousin got married to his long-time girlfriend



In other news, I just joined a writing forum called Absolute Write. A little intimidated, but it looks like a fun place and the people seem really nice.

Do instead of Dream

I have a tendency to be consumed by my emotions. It seems to always be some sort of extreme. When I'm happy, I sparkle. When I'm angry you'd better watch out. When I'm sad shadows cloud my face. All my strength goes into that one emotion, and that emotion is almost always dependent on something or someone I'm currently fascinated by.

Last night I had an insomniatic epiphany. Instead of focusing on something or someone else, why not put all that energy into myself? All my energy and time could be redirected to something constructive. When I'm unhappy it's because whoever I'm infatuated with doesn't reciprocate those feelings. But with this redirection of thoughts, the person I'll be thinking about *will* care, because that person is me!

And I care about me.

All this newfound energy would be focused on getting to know myself better. To become the person I know I'm capable of being. I don't need to be that person tomorrow, but I need to take the first baby step. That means taking action. Doing instead of dreaming.

The problem is, whenever I’m inspired/motivated like this I try to do too much with no feasible way of doing everything all at once. I overstretch myself, and I expect immediate results. When those results don’t manifest the way I envision, I get impatient, lose interest, or just plain get confused with what to do next.

I lose my focus. And end up doing nothing at all. Of course I have the deluded intention of getting back to it when really, it’s just an excuse to do nothing at all. With this new redirected energy focused on myself, maybe I’ll be able to work through the glamor of inspiration.

Thinking isn't doing. It's great to dream. Dreams make the world go round. But there comes a point where you need to say enough is enough and give yourself a swift kick in the ass. If I want to make my dreams a reality, then I must take action.

Do instead of dream.